Situational Awareness++

Recommended by Chris Hadnagy. One star on APL. I don't get it. This book is like the bible. Everyone needs to memorize it! What follows is basically notes to myself..

Doveryai, no proveryai - trust but verify - what Reagan used to repeat to his staff.

2002 PBS frontline : The Man Who Knew (John O'Neill). 

Hard truths about predicting behavior : variability, immunity, temptation, desperation, - when people have immunity due to wealth, power, status - has a strong -ve effect on their behavior. Most predictable are vulnerable. Incompetence is strongly correlated with unpredictability. 50% rule - conventional rate of accuracy of predicting. Intuition - very unreliable - can enable you to have more empathy, but not good for predicting behavior - especially when desperate or tempted. Appearances - virtually irrelevant - religion, political affiliations, appearance, proximity, elevated social status. 

Vesting, Longevity, Reliability, Actions, Language, Stability

Longevity - if they believe their relationship (R) w you is short-lived, they'll be hard to predict.

To size them up, you need to find out THEIR perceptions. 

Persistence - make it clear you you why they are the way they are - you need to get their perspectives!

Trust - fulcrum upon which all accurate knowledge about a person rests. 

People who are the most manipulative often masquerade as the most virtuous and trustworthy.

Reliability : observable and quantifiable degrees of confidence and competence

Actions : consistency between present and past

Language : is it non-judgmental and validating, deep, selfless and focused on you? Yes, then this person is predictable 😊 Said another way, Trevor is not predictable 😊

Positive communication signs : honesty, lack of secrecy (something Dave K needs to learn), consistency between actions and DESCRIPTIONS of ACTIONS, signs of diligence, descriptions of actions that are simple and unadorned (another test Trevor fails). Simplicity reveals, complexity conceals

Does this person communicate in a positive way or talk trash?

A person's negative communication style primarily reflects their fear

Rene Descartes : We do not describe the world we see. We see the world we describe.

Helpful positive behavior is contagious and the best way to spread it is with the words you say.

Unreliable/unpredictable people try to say the right things with the right words, but the disconnect (subtle) between words/actions exposes them.  Rapid rate of speech among fast talkers (DK) or manipulate speech of smooth talkers. Slightly understated bragging, ambiguity, passive-aggressiveness or begging for compliments. 

Kind, friendly behavior is predictable among better listeners.

Effective communicators ask a lot of questions, are easy to understand, don't try to manipulate and are almost always looking for ways to connect. 

Stability : Emotional maturity, self awareness and social skills.  What gets in the way? Prior trauma, biochemical imbalance and excessive stress, substance abuse, exhaustion, physical/emotional abuse.

Someone who is his own worst enemy is difficult to predict.

Establish a baseline and see how much they deviate (a normally pessimistic person reacting negatively to a new idea is normal)

Empathy, rationality, emotional control, consistency, communication skills and acumen for social interaction. These people are usually easy to predict and partner with - if your interests align with theirs.

So? Final strategy : deepen your own emotional stability and you might be surprised at how stable others become. 

It's wise to trust everybody until they start talking - which is usually right away. At that point, if you want to do something important with them, you've got to start thinking like an FBI behavioral analyst - rationally, carefully and objectively. See people for who they are, with your vision unclouded by fear, affection or laziness. Figure out, with facts, where they're headed. 

Semper gumby - stay flexible. Very few people are looking to hurt you.

If you judge them, you'll ruin any potential chance of future vesting - people can smell a judgmental attitude a mile away.

Vesting (person sees your success as their success) is an excellent creator and barometer of affiliation. 

In professional life, vesting is the ultimate animator of teamwork. At home, keeps a family near and dear.

You can expect 20% of people to vest in you

Negative tells for vesting :

conveyed in verbal (tone, content) and non-verbal communication (body-language), actions, intentions

Tells of distrust are less significant than those of trust. Stay rational and apply a positive attitude to any situation. Don't take things personally till you get the facts. 

Tells : 

1. Supervisors pass you over for promotion. Message : start being more helpful to them, or start looking 😊

2. Bosses point out ways your different from them. "You'll never be part of our tribe" Ask in a sincere way how you can make their life better.

3. Left out of meetings that peers attend - don't assume obvious, but could be that you're not doing your best to help others do their best.

4. People with power over you exaggerate the importance of your trivial errors - finding fault. They probably don't think their own careers are benefiting from your presence. RD doesn't say "how to get the facts" ("let facts rather than fears guide your response")

5. Immediate supervisor points out other departments where you might excel. If it is someone who you believe has vested in you, then this might be well-intentioned.

6. Bad body language when you're offering your ideas - critical - because non-verbals are more revealing - eyelid flutters, lip compression, eyebrow furrowing, lack of eye contact, smiling or hand-shaking.

7. Boss asks about rumors that you've done something wrong (Tom asking me about me asking about POR IP during my internship) - a bad tell - no wiggle room. Bad management to listen to rumors and then hit somebody over the head with them. Very passive aggressive. (Hargedon asking me to explain why he was being told I was late on my blocks). If it comes from someone who considers you valuable, then see it positively - they're warning you, looking out for you. 

8. Organization's decision makers text or email while they're talking to you, or walk away while you're still talking (Larry). Tells you that your career doesn't matter to them. If don't with others around - blatant - it's the kiss of death. You're not valuable to them. Deal with it rationally and get ready to move on or make yourself much more valuable while there's time.

9. Words to the effect of "I really don't want you to succeed here." What doesn't get said is as significant as what does. Force the issue. Say "I want to contribute to your success. What suggestions do you have on how I can be a better resource?" Negate the criticism by validating it. Remember, you're already vulnerable :)

10. People challenge your thoughts and opinions. Assess the criticism for validity, importance (are they going after trivialities?) and mode of presentation. Remember, if they take your idea seriously, then you WANT the criticism - they could be looking out for you. 

Positive tells for vesting

1. They change tempo and work style to fit yours

2. They talk in terms of your best interests

3. They actively explore other things they can do with you.

4. Do things with you that they'd rather not do

5. Call in their own favors to help you

6. offer help without being asked

7. Sing your praise and give you  credit for things done with you.

8. Get excited, genuinely, when you succeed

9. Bring you into their social circle.

10. Share deep secrets.

Decoding trust. Try to show people that you are trustworthy :

1. Suspend ego. If others think you're an egomaniac, they'll be put off and hide their best side. Wary, defensive, offended and often unfriendly is what you'll get . Trevor really needs to read this one. They will doubt your ability to play fair. Make them the center of attention and you'll start to appreciate the good in them.

2. Validate people. If you don't they'll drift and look for others who do. 

3. Don't judge - if you do, you'll miss their kindness, intelligence and fairness. 

4. Be reasonable - and they'll reciprocate. 

5. Be generous - else they'll be selfish too.. Give more than they expect. The extra mile is what they'll remember and when they do, they'll be grateful and want to return the favour. 

Look for these traits in others to find something to appreciate. 

Generous, humble, trustworthy, reasonable, kind, reliable. 

Tells of trust 

Negative tells for longevity in a relationship

1. Your supervisors often forget your name but don't seem to care. Silent language of scorn. 

2. Hired as a temp, and no effort made to make you permanent. If you've been there long enough to make an impact, then this is a bad tell.. Watch for non-verbals of acceptance - body-blading - person stands sideways to avoid looking overly aggressive, head-tilting, upbeat expression, eye contact that's not a stare. Find out what you can do better than most and start doing it. Carve your niche.

2. Your supervisors confine all workplace conversations with you to a superficial, non-personal level. If they don't seem to realize that you're a human being, you're either failing at your job or failing at being a human being. Be yourself. It's not a dangerous strategy, unless you're a jerk, and will break the ice enough to integrate yourself more fully. If they've gotten to know you, it'll be harder for them to say goodbye.

4. Other employees in similar positions tend to hear important information before you do - you're at the bottom of the food chain. Find out why. To survive at a company, you need situational awareness. Survival has little to do with charm; it's about getting the job done. Be proactive. 

5. Supervisors never ask you about your long term goals. Bad sign. Ultimate language of silence. Force the issue to find out where you stand - ask in a respectful way what their goals are. 

6. You aren't included in any work-related social events. (Francis deliberately excluding me stands out in my memory). Focus on someone who seems to like or respect you and ask them if they'd like to get lunch or a drink. Never hurts to foot the bill. 

7. A peer employee is rude to you. Is it because of smack being talked about you? People are attracted to gossip. Rise above it.

8. You volunteer to expand your role but your boss rejects your offer. Find out where you're falling short and how you can be a resource. If you're considered replicable, then you can expect dismissive treatment. Start taking on more for free - expect to be undercompensated in the beginning. If they get used to something they like, eventually you will be rewarded.

9. You feel as if there are cliques around you that don't welcome your presence. To break in, humble yourself - it's hard to reject humble people - like kicking someone who's down.

10. Supervisors talk to peers about the future but leave you out - they don't see you as part of the future. Force the issue - talk about the future.

The Curse of Competence :

Some people are actually punished for their competence because less competent co-workers sabotage their success or dump their own work on them (remined me of Mauricio). Competence should be determined prior to hiring, but the conventional process of resume review, multiple interviews, trial tasks and reference checks has long been overrated. Potential hires always present themselves in the best possible light and may even unintentionally overstate their competence - due to lack of self-awareness or belief that they can learn on the job. 

Managers who are highly skilled tend to assume that the same level of skill exists in the population and thus, inadvertently, overestimate the competence of potential hires. 

The status quo is that competence is poorly measured and is assumed to be correlated with popularity.

Competence is highly underrated in our personal lives as well. In marriage, success depends as much on competence as on love. Finances, child-rearing, household work, time-management, social activities and other demands in a complex society in which free time exists as a zero sum game. Studies into marital problems surface competence as as much an issue as lack of love.

People who are competent in their personal lives tend to be competent in other areas too. Therefore, you should probe generally about multiple areas (friendships, professions, kids, achievements, spouses) to gauge competence - tell me about a personal challenge you have faced. If they speak transparently without self-consciousness, you can assume openness about their level of competence. Watch for vagueness and defensiveness. You want consistency and congruence. 

Competence without diligence is more insidious (thought about my buddy Hongguang here :). Being able to do something is different from actually doing it. 

Human beings are like the Titanic - very large ships with very small rudders. Diligence is one of our primary rudders. It guides us during days of doubt and course-corrects when we go off track. It is the basis of predictability that reliability creates and reflects.

Diligence consists of core character traits :

Persistence - no easy way to do a hard job

Motivation - your work is your legacy and can achieve immortality and ubiquity

Thoroughness - if you can't finish, don't start

Attention to detail - nobody wants to clean up after you.

Work ethic - works is an equalizer - exalts the humble and humbles the exalted (know that Trevor :)

A sense of responsibility in all tasks regardless of significance - 

Consideration for others - love is more about what you do than how you feel

Diligence is harder to measure than competence and easier to fake. It is more likely for a diligent person to overcome a lack of competence than for a competent person to overcome a lack of diligence. 

A diligent person's problems don't become your problems. They work without drama, don't waste time, don't give surprise, don't play politics and don't shirk responsibility. 

When someone mentions diligence, it's important to show appreciation for that trait. Watch the enthusiasm of their response - gauge how important that quality is to them. When a diligent person is rewarded, the response tends to be effusive. Know that different people like the appreciation in different ways. Usually, they value sincerity, consistency and respect. Articulate the importance of their value. Get their thoughts and opinions.

Talk to them about their priorities, validate them non-judgmentally and empower them with choice. Invest in their goals. 

Objectively calculate the lack of Discipline in people who are performing poorly. Absenteeism, lack of energy and enthusiasm are proxies. People who are not diligent tend to be reserved and don't form bonds with co-workers. As Jack Welch says in "Winning", people who are passionate, aren't just passionate about work - they're passionate about other things too - fanatical supporters of a sports team or their alma mater or they're political junkies. 

Frank Pacetta : Don't Fire Them, Fire Them Up

That starts with figuring out - figuring out strengths and reviving their diligence. Take a leap of trust and invest in their success. Give them a task they should be able to do and see the result. Trust, but verify. 

Give them the intoxicating atmosphere of a trust based environment.

Leadership is about sharing power, not consolidating it. Be a resource for the success of others on the team. (thought about the dreaded Dave K when I read this one). People who don't get this are sailing on the same Titanic as the people who think that the best way to impress others is to tell everyone how great they are (there you go Trevor :)

FYI, Dreeke shifted from Aerospace Engg to Political Science in college.

Ten negative tells for reliability (competence + diligence ) :

1. Unreliable people micromanage without providing real help (moro rubinson and menopausio silverplatter). One need not be a manager to micromanage. People with expertise on very specific tasks can be guilty of this. Micromanagement numbs the brains and kills the spirits of the people whose autonomy is being usurped. (DK)

2. Unreliable people disappear and play hard to find. When good managers don't have time to respond, they tell you right away. 

3. Unreliable people have chronic punctuality problems - miss planes, late for meetings, etc and act as if it makes them important. It's also a tell for incompetence. Competent people manage their time well. Diligent people manage it even when it's unmanageable (if you want it don't give it to the busiest person in the office)

4. Unreliable people steal credit from others. 

5. Unreliable people are shoddy in appearance and presentation - it's a sign of disrespect for themselves and others. People who do this usually say they're reliable. They tend to have poor health habits and dirty cars. 

6. Unreliable people depend on others to fix their problems. (Leland) If someone tends to use your various support systems, it could be the tip of an iceberg of unreliability.

7. Unreliable people find it difficult to pick up new concepts - they're not dumb, but range of competence is narrow and they haven't done the work to broaden it. They don't care enough.

8. Unreliable people are poor at record-keeping. They could be hiding things. Poor note-taking is a tell. Good notes are a positive tell  - the reflect the thoughts of others, not just oneself. Bad note-taking indicates indifference to the thoughts and opinions of those talking. If done in person, indicates a feeling of superiority. Stalin supposedly took copious notes. Later, they found them to be just doodles.

9. Unreliable people are more obsessed with planning than action (DK). Planning is just the beginning - this is not obvious to those with limited attention spans.